


What Tugs at the Soul

by DeansP1e



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-11-17 18:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeansP1e/pseuds/DeansP1e
Summary: Some character analyses I did late at night. Each chapter will follow the same basic structure: Words, scenes, and phrases I think about when I see them, the analysis as them, and finally, what I think their prime morals are.





	1. The Honorable

Anger.

Frustration.

Hate.

_**Rage.** _

Compassion.

Defeat.

Morose.

Loyalty.

_Faith_ _._

A silent forest, save for the trees shaking.

Human and animal alike in one person.

_Wolf. Stag. Living together in harmony._

A hot cup of coffee. A bowl of stew.

**WOLF.**

A bar fight. Blood on the ground. Bodies everywhere.

_Stag._

Giving back. Charity. Shining light into darkness.

From Dutch's plans to the people he loves, he is loyal, at least to what matters. Admittedly, he does not know why he doubts Dutch: Perhaps it could be the way he hesitates before making a decision, it's as if he were holding something back, or it could be the way Dutch always seems to cause trouble. He didn't rightly know, nor did he make an effort to think about it. Dutch, bless his soul, tries his best to do right by him and his brother, but every time, there is something that interrupts their moment of familial bonding, and Dutch takes to it like a fish to water. It angers him: Why can't Dutch make time for them,  _god damn it!_ Whenever he thinks about that, he takes a minute to ground himself before he can get too angry and lash out at someone.

He has anger issues sometimes, and he doesn't know if it should bother him or not, because, in this day and age, men are expected to provide and be cool and collected. He does only one of those things, but he doesn't know if he should work on being not so hot-headed. The anger just bubbles up in him, just like the froth of a good beer, except it leaves a bad taste in his mouth and it spirals out of control if he doesn't address it. He guesses that his fears and worries stem from his anger, only it's a lilypad of fear in a lake of anger, but that lake is in the ocean of despair. Ever since he was born, his life has been hell: From his father dying, living on the streets, the gang, ~~Micah~~ (he has forbidden himself from thinking about Micah unless absolutely necessary), and now his back has started to ache. He'd never thought he would see the day that he got old enough for his back to hurt, but here we are.

That being said, however, he has lived a moderately good life, despite the people he lost and the bridges he burned. Would he do things differently if he got another chance? Sure. Would he love the people he has loved? Absolutely. Would he even get a second chance? Most likely not, but here's hoping. Whenever he gets these questions in his mind, he goes to Dutch, for Dutch is the fountain of light in the ocean of darkness that is him. His fears and worries seem to melt away when he is near Dutch, like ice melting on a warm day, the water running down the hill, all crisp and clean. It doesn't matter if he has a problem with Dutch or not: When he is with his leader, all is good and right.

His moral compass is weird: On one hand, he is an outlaw and he has killed, lied, stole, and committed a bunch of other crimes, and on the other, he has a heart and will defend those he holds dear, no matter if it costs him his life. His loyalty knows no bounds, especially for his family, and if that's a bad thing, don't tell him that because he will shoot you and all you hold close to your heart. It is his, and only his, cross to bear, it is his, and only his, sin against the good Lord above. 


	2. The Outlaw

Duality.

Hot. Cold.

Good. Bad.

Fire. Water.

The futility of man.

Foolishness.

A stagecoach in the rain.

Firearm and man entwined at his hand.

Love for  _his_ Abigail.

Love for  _his_ son.

Sarcastic hate to Uncle and his stupid lumbago.

He can't decide if he wants or needs it, but he doesn't know what  _it_ is. At this point in his life, he decides he doesn't care as he slowly drops to the ground, the thick viscous (or is it vicious?) blood pooling onto the ground. It don't matter anymore; the killing, the lying, the robbing; it just melts away as he watches Edgar,  _who names their kid Edgar anyway?_ , take a cigar from his coat pocket and bring it up to his mouth. It reminds him of Dutch,  **good ol' Dutch** , with his foreign cigarros, he's picked up some Spanish while in Mexico, and his weird taste in music; his pitfalls as a father and John's determination to not inherit those same falls; his plans that always seemed to go belly up and how it killed the ones he loved the most. Hosea,  _oh Hosea_ , would never live it down if he saw how much of a soft-headed man he had become, but no, he's been dead for a while now and likely in Heaven with how he redeemed himself, which does make sense, seeing his name literally means 'Salvation'. It always seems to be the best that go first, with the noble and the salvation and the mercy of God guiding them. (I'm coming Arthur, Hosea, Sean.) Lord, have favor on me, as Dutch always has.

He's on the ground now, just seconds away from death. The pain is unbearable, yet John can no longer feel it, which may be one last gift from God. He doesn't know anymore. Where will he go? He hopes wherever Arthur, Hosea, and Sean are, so that he may live his eternal life in peace. Where has he come from? Pain, plain and simple, but also luck. Luck has always been on his side, it's been that way as long as he can remember,  _or, at least, the parts he cares to remember_. Why was he shot? Why  _why_ **_why_** \- he knows why. He's been used and tossed to the side like a kicked dog, he went out not with a bang, but a whimper.  **Has he heard that before?**   _Ayuda me estoy muriendo._ He soon breathes his last breath as the ranch becomes empty once more. Later, when his soul has left his ragged body and the loves of his life return to the ranch, only then does he look at them and know fully that he wants to return as he's being dragged to Heaven by Arthur.

Morality has never been in his mind much, not when there's things need doing and people need feeding, not when Dutch needs him and sends him to danger. He's a quick trigger, with the gun or his hand, whatever you need. He's smarter than people give him credit for, no matter if he wants to acknowledge it or not, and only a handful of people see it, most likely because of his appearance. He often finds himself wondering if what's he doing is the right thing to do, then he remembers that he has luck on his side and decides to wing it. All that said, he's a good man and a better outlaw.


End file.
